i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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