new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize