Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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