Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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