I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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