i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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