That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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