apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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