did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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