So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
