the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
