and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
