he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize