I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
