last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
how does that bad decision feel?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
