Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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