I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
