you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
you never un-have a 4some
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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