New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Ladies don't puke and tell
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
