So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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