My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
