the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
