Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
