dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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