It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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