I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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