you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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