I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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