Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize