so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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