That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
