Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just pee around me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
