i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
