When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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