There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
