Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
