Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
