she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
