four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
