I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
