I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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