I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
