they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
