If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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