something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
