dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
