A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
