Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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