I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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