so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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