Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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