Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
