well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize