I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
