I wanna bring you to show and tell
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
