I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
