you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
