I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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