who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize