Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
