Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
