It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You can't special order awesome
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
