Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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