we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
