I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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