I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
