The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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