You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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