sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize