The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
