You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
