Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
