May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
