dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize