You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
