I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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