sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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