All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
