omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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