so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
